i gave up my son, born august 2012, and this blog is about what that is like.

My views on adoption went from positive to negative after I had my baby.

David is my boyfriend and his father.

C and L are his adoptive parents.

Message me at everyoneactdead at gmail if you’d like the password to protected posts, or would just like to talk.


§ 14 Responses to Background

  • Monika says:

    Ariel – I thought it most appropriate to leave a comment here. I’ve not read very far into your blog, but my heart breaks knowing the pain you feel. You see, I’m a birth mom too. I relinquished my daughter to an open adoption on January 4, 2010. I admire you for being so public about your process. I just wanted to let you know you’re not alone, and that it is a process. The grief will never completely disappear. But it will get easier. I promise. You’re not yet a year along in this lifelong journey of being a birth mom. I’m so glad that you are writing your feelings. This is a perfect way to not only get the negatives out as you experience them, but you’ll be able to review later and realize how far you’ve come.

    If you ever want to talk to someone who’s been there, I strongly recommend BirthMom Buds. It’s a community of birth moms in all different adoption situations and in all different “stages” of their grief. Some are fresher, like you, and some are less fresh, like the founders (who are also birth moms). I won’t include the hyperlink here as I don’t want this comment to be marked as spam, but you should be able to copy and paste into Google or another search engine and the website should pop right up. Though the website is accessible to anyone, there are forums that are accessible to birth moms only. There birth moms discuss anything under the sun, and one of the founders also hosts a weekly moderated chat (10pm EST).

    Again, you are NOT alone. *hugs*

  • Monika says:

    By the way, your son is absolutely gorgeous.

  • I wasn’t sure where to post so here it will be.
    I’ve noticed that you have been reading my blog and I wanted to see who you were and what would create a wordpress address such as yours.

    First let me say, after reading your older posts I admire your courage to write it out. I can’t imagine how difficult these past months have been for you. I can see very clearly that you hold your son lovingly in your heart and I hope someday he will read your words, know you and your love for him.

    I also it must be difficult to read what adoptees have to say…I’m happy you are reading my words but I want to remind you times were very different back in the “dark ages”…..yes, I’m that old! I hope you can find strength in my words and know I can see a great deal of strength and love in yours. Keep doing what you are doing one day at a time.

    • My username is one I’ve used online for a while. I didn’t feel like doing an adoption related username, if I did it would be fuckthisbirthmothershit or something.

      Adoptee blogs make me sad, but there is also education, and more positive feelings, along with it. You dont need to apologize for writing your truths. I can’t hope to find all the answers online, anyway. I hope he and I will be part of each other’s lives someday but no one knows that for sure.

      I am curious though, what do you think will be different for adoptees today?

      • Times have changed and are continuing to change. I don’t know if you are aware of all the adoptee reform groups and advocacy groups trying to bring to light the need for information and if possible easier access to “their roots”.

        In my day it was filled with secrets and lies and coercion.. so many adoptees from my generation have had to fight so hard for our birthright that now we are fighting for change.

        it’s coming out of the closet and being exposed which is good. Blogs like yours are an important part of educating as well as creating a venue for healing.

        With the Internet, the information, the advocacy groups. I hope no child or mother will ever have to live in a secret world and each will have access to what it is they need to heal…most of all, the actual connection between them.

        Keep writing my friend xo

  • Your writing is beautiful and unflinching and so heart-breaking. I wish that all women in unexpected “crisis” pregnancies could read your truth. I’m so sorry. Please keep writing.

  • blackout says:

    Just a little hello, letting you know that I’m thinking of you and hoping you will write soon.

  • Cherry says:

    I just wanted to say I understand.

  • How can I get hold of the password?

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