new year announcement

January 8, 2014 § 22 Comments

Happy New Year, and I hope everyone had a nice Christmas! I didn’t update this and I tried to stay away from adoption stuff on the internet because I’m a sucker for Christmas, and I just wanted to enjoy mine. It was far better than last year’s Christmas.

I was busy with work all month, too. It was exhausting working so hard, but I welcomed the distraction and truly enjoyed doing everything I did to make the holidays easier and more pleasant for others. I work in the lingerie department, but December wasn’t a big bra-buying season. We were mostly selling sleepwear, winter hosiery, and bathrobes, although I have a few customers who shopped the entire store with me and that is always a good time. On Christmas, I thought of all the people I had spent time with, helping them find the perfect gifts for their loved ones, sharing conversation and laughs in the midst of holiday stress, and how much I was sincerely thanked. I thought of those loved ones tugging open the ribbons I’d carefully tied on, and unearthing their gifts from the tissue-lined boxes I’d put them in, and then smiling because they loved the gift or they loved the effort, or both. It made me incredibly happy to think about.

I just love Christmas. After working so hard all month, it was perfect to sit with my family and eat with them and exchange gifts, just taking a break from our lives to be together. The gifts I got for everyone were huge successes, too. I love that.

The older I get, the bigger of a cheeseball I am.

Speaking of, I’m dreading my 25th birthday on the 11th. I will probably do the same thing I did last year, which was go to work, go home, and pretend not to notice it.

For once, though, this new year is going to bring some interesting changes. I am more than ready! My life has been stagnant for too long. So not only are David and I saving to move in together in about six months, once we’re settled we have been talking about having another baby. For real this time though, one that we’ll be ready for, that I get to keep! I’m trying not to be excited; it will be months before anything happens. It will probably be closer to the next new year than this one. But already I can see a change in myself and in David. We are happier and full of hope, and although we can’t get back what we lost, we have something to look forward to now, something to live for.

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§ 22 Responses to new year announcement

  • blackout says:

    I’m so happy Things are going well for you, A. May this new year bring much deserved comfort and healing to both you and David.
    much love, T

  • monk-monk says:

    hope is a beautiful thing! <3

  • Amy says:

    Yay! Yay! Yay Ariel!! So happy for you!! Something so wonderful to look forward to and plan for :))

    Here’s to a fabulous new year sweetie!! (((hugs)))

  • Momma says:

    The most painful thing about being adopted is knowing that both of my parents kept and raised other children, after they gave me away. I’m 51 years old,and it cuts like a knife everyday. Why were those precious children kept, when I was abandoned at 5 days old?
    They have everything I ever wanted, their own parents.

    It doesn’t just end there. The kept children’s children are my parents beloved grandchildren, and my children are strangers.

    It hurts so terribly to know you are replaceable.

    • I am so sorry you feel you were replaced. Obviously I don’t know your full story and I can’t read your mom’s mind, but being one myself, all I can imagine is that you were not replaced. My son could never be replaced. I will always miss him and love him, no matter how many babies I have.

      It does feel like I abandoned my son, so I get why you feel abandoned. I would make sure not to treat him callously, but if he felt the same way you do, that’s understandable. If giving up a baby feels horribly inhuman to me, I wouldn’t be surprised if he thinks the same thing.

      This isn’t how I’d like things to be. I would rather have him become a big brother, than lose him and have another baby. Hell, I would rather skin myself with nail clippers than to have lost him. All I can do in the future is treat him as a loved part of my family. Having full siblings might be another loss for my son, but it is my hope he will someday see it as a gain, a chance to heal by forming those broken connections, a place he is welcome, and a family who has always missed him.

      It’s also possible we might not have much of a relationship. At the very least, I hope he is happy and secure with his adoptive family.

      For now, he is very young and he has a family of his own, who love him. He is happy, his parents are happy. I’m not going to kneel on glass and whip myself forever. I’m not going to become a crazy witch who lives under the freeway, just because that makes his adoption easier to understand. I deserve to be happy, too.

      • J says:

        Everything you said above, especially this ”I’m not going to kneel on glass and whip myself forever. I’m not going to become a crazy witch who lives under the freeway, just because that makes his adoption easier to understand. I deserve to be happy, too.”.

        You made what (I think…) you regard as a terrible mistake, but you can’t take it back — all you can do is be there for your son and live your life as best you can going forward. Punishing yourself forever is not fair to anyone. Much love and hope to you guys.

      • damagedbytheageof3 says:

        Have you thought about perhaps writing him letters, which you could keep in a box until/if the day ever comes where he finds you? Perhaps, as you look forward to the future you could write him some updates, so that maybe one day he will read them and know that whilst you did move forward in your life, he was always very much a part of it… Just a thought… X x x x x

  • Jo says:

    I am sorry you lost your first baby. Not sure if you are aware but many moms that have lost their babies have what’s called secondary infertility. It’s very important you grieve the loss of your first child before you try to conceive your next one. Whether you believe it or not, your PTSD (you may not even know you have it) will rear it’s ugly head. Information and help can be found at Adoptionhealing .com

  • damagedbytheageof3 says:

    I am so happy to read you sounding so positive hun – I wish you and David every success in fulfilling your dreams in 2014, I truly do! X x x x x

    • I can’t reply to your other comment, and I’m not sure why it doesn’t give me the option. So I’ll just write my reply here. I am surprised that you would suggest giving him letters I’ve written to him throughout the years. Is this something you would be interested in yourself? I guess what I’m asking is, would you want letters from your bio-mom? I have always been under the strong impression that your answer would be no. To quote from your blog, “I am curious as to what my birth mother looks like…I think that would be as far as my curiousness would go.”

      • damagedbytheageof3 says:

        That’s a hard question to answer – in my circumstances, I don’t have the desire to trace my birth mother because I am settled and content in my life, so it genuinely wouldn’t make any difference to my feelings if I knew that she’d had more children with my birth father. But that’s not to say that all adoptees are the same. If I had the intense feelings of rejection and abandonment by knowing that my birth parents had more chidren together, like the poster who commented above, I can only suppose that chronological letters expressing how much another child was not a replacement, may help to lessen those feelings. As I said before, it was just a thought – it’s certainly an interesting angle for me to think about. X x

  • Robyn C says:

    Hope is a wonderful thing, and I wish love, peace, hope, and happiness to you both!

  • Momma says:

    I think the letters would be good. My mother said she cried everyday, but now she won’t shed a tear. Telling me she cried doesn’t seem to matter to me.

    When i met her, she was so excited, and she told me about my brother. I could see the close relationship they had right away, and knew in an instant that I would never have a relationship like that with anyone. I will never have a natural relationship with my mother, the woman who i was once part of.

    And this person had that. He had her, and always had. I just broke.

    • I am so sorry. I know reunion isn’t always the healing balm it seems like. There is so much time and distance there, and i fear that after the initial separation and all those years spent apart, it may be more difficult than anyone realizes. I still maintain that my son would be welcomed as a part of any family I have. It does not make everything ok, I know.

  • Momma says:

    I don’t know what you’re supposed to do in your situation. Of course you deserve happiness. Everyone does. I’ve had happiness, but it was always shadowed with loss.

    My mother says the same thing as you, even to the kneeling on glass comment. She said crawling through broken glass. She’s 70, and still feels the same.

    I don’t want anyone to do anything with broken glass. I just want to explain how it feels, to me, to be adopted and know my mother raised another child.

    I deserve happiness too, but it’s not easy to find.

  • CSherm says:

    Wow!! I missed this one – until just now! Big stuff, Ariel – and so amazing that you guys are making such happy plans! I’m so happy for you!!

    It’s funny. On my 25th birthday, I had been divorced a couple of months and was with the boyfriend who ended up being the baby daddy. I haven’t told too many people this, but something about being with him brought about a sudden intense hankering to have a baby. As time went on with him it waned, but it was some powerful mojo, I guess, because our son came along 10 months after I had broken up with him.

    25 is magical number age-wise. I hope you are finding it to be so…and…

    Happy Birthday!!

    <3

  • Ursula says:

    I hope you will tell you new baby, when/if you have one all about it’s sibling. The love you have for children is just so heart warming, I wish there were more people (especially parents) in the world like you :)

    • Thanks, that is so nice of you. And I would not keep a secret like that from any future kids of mine. That has never been a question.

      By the way, I never used to like children. Having a baby puts you in mama-bear mode.

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