August 30, 2013 Enter your password to view comments.
August 21, 2013 § 25 Comments
It said, “Good news will come by mail.” I always used to believe in fortune cookies.
The update I should’ve gotten, though didn’t really expect, is two weeks late. That is, if you consider his first birthday to be the deadline. They didn’t send the six month update on time by those standards. I got it a week after. So if that’s my frame of reference, they’re only one week late.
I don’t know if looking at it that way should make me feel better, but it doesn’t. A promise is a promise, and they made a very small one. It’s twice a year that they promised a bit of their time to placate me and write some crappy short letter and enclose a few pictures. That’s not difficult nor does it take long. They don’t have to have that obligation to me, but they could at least let me know they want a closed adoption and why they feel this way:
We think it will be best for him as he grows up. We feel uncomfortable with sending you updates, because you are not the parent, we are. It’s too inconvenient. It’s awkward. We simply don’t feel like it. You should have moved on by now. It must make you sad to see pictures of him. We’re too jealous and we NEED to be the only parents. We’re not going to pander to you. After all, you haven’t told us how grateful you are that we saved him from a life without a Pinterest-worthy nursery. We wanted a quick and dirty adoption; we went 2000 miles away to Utah for a reason. Your very existence undermines us. We suspect you’re unstable. You might change your mind and want him back. You signed away your rights to him. Sorry.
Some of these reasons are really lame, some of them I can almost understand. But there must be something and I wish I knew what. So that when my mom or David’s mom ask how come they can’t see their only grandchild, I have something concrete to tell them, not “I don’t know.” Don’t just go silent and pretend you fell off the face of the earth.
But hey, let’s not get too negative. They might send an update still. It could be in the mail right now. And what then? Will they be patting themselves on the back over what good, generous people they are for sticking to their promises? And then carry on for another six months without talking to me? If this is what I have to look forward to, maybe they should just close the adoption. The contact we have is not beneficial for them, for me, or the baby. I do want pictures of him, I do want to see him grow and hear how it’s going, but not like this. I don’t have any win-win solutions in mind, but I know I don’t want this.