May 15, 2013 § 6 Comments

Everyone’s hours are getting cut at my work. We already make so little money there, and it’s just going to get worse. (I make a base pay + commission, but the commission is structured to be impossible to earn unless we’re insanely busy, as during the holidays or when we have a huge sale. I’m one of the top salespeople there, and I usually make my base pay of $8.) I’ve been wanting a new job for a while now, anyway, so this is just the impetus to search. I would love to work somewhere higher end and continue to sell suits and other men’s dress wear. It’s something I enjoy and I’m good at it, and how often do you find that in a job? However, my options are limited, and the options I do have probably won’t work out. So, per David’s suggestion, I might apply for a bank teller. I’ve never considered doing that until he suggested it, but I think my years of experience in retail would be relevant to a bank, it would certainly pay better than my current employer, and it would be a nice job that would look great on a resume.

I’m still not sure what I want to do with my life. I want to do something interesting and challenging that has the potential to be flexible, but those are qualities that are hard to find in a career, and at the same time, I’m an extremely hard worker who could get used to just about anything and would find success anywhere. It’s not bragging, it’s true. So, simultaneously, I don’t care what I do or what I end up doing. I just need to figure something out.

Where am I going with this?

I was thinking about how I would feel about the adoption if I became successful versus not. I already know that if I didn’t achieve some kind of success in life, it wouldn’t make me feel better about the adoption. I still would’ve tried my best. My family is solidly upper-middle-class and could have helped me out for a while, if I hadn’t been too proud to ask. David would have helped, too, and he earns $18 an hour. And even if I find a good career, I will never out-earn my son’s parents. L works in a high-profile career and I’m sure he earns six figures. C probably makes less than that, but not by much.

But here’s the rub.

If I remained low-income (which I highly doubt, by the way) then it would look as if I made the right choice. If I got a good job and became successful in that sense and in others, it would still appear as if I made the right choice, as if I couldn’t have done it with a child to take care of, no matter how untrue that is.

There’s no winning.

Does anyone have any questions they want me to answer, or ideas for something I should write about? I feel like writing, but there’s only so much I can say without getting updates. I was crossing my fingers I might receive something small at the 9 month mark, since I got a few pictures at 3 months. But that has come and gone, so I will have to wait another 3 months, for his first birthday.


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§ 6 Responses to work

  • Rain says:

    A bank teller job might be very interesting! I always love chatting with the back tellers here, they see so many different types of people and always have interesting stories.

    I don’t think that “successful” needs to be tied to wealth. For me, it means that you have achieved certain goals for yourself. So, if you want to climb Mount Kilimanjaro and do so…that’s being successful! Or you want to publish a novel or learn to fly a plane…whatever makes you happy and feel good about yourself. I have an ever-evolving list of things that I want to accomplish in life, and I figure if I complete most of those…I’ll be successful!

    Writing idea: If you could witness any event past, present or future, what would it be? Why?


    If you could only watch one more (or read one book) for the rest of your life, what would it be?

  • monk-monk says:

    Question: who do you want it to seem you made the right choice for? Society? Your baby when he grows up? Yourself?

    Have you ever looked into doing career counseling through a local community college (or university?), usually it’s free or low-cost and can give some really useful advice as far as personality and potential careers go. It’s crazy when you start mapping, medical field (for example) what all is related to the medical field WITHOUT having to be a doctor or nurse (radiologist, ultra sound tech, CNA, phlebotomist, community health educator, etc. etc. etc). It’s like that with most fields, too…looking at what motivates you in your current job (working with people? the sales? the potential commission? the company’s philosophy?) and then seeing how those things could translate into other careers…it can be helpful to talk it out with someone!

  • My question to my community college students is always, “What would you love to do, even if you earned no paycheck?” What would you love to do?

    • That sounded weird, sorry. I meant community college students (I teach), as opposed to the little kids I teach (as I wouldn’t pose that Q to a little kid). Hopefully that makes sense now! Sorry!

  • freebairn says:

    Have you thought about trying for work with a more local type of clothing store/boutique? In a smaller venue, you might have the opportunity to learn more about the buying and selling process and perhaps work into being the store manager and maybe even open your own clothing store someday. Since you like selling clothing, and you are good at it, it’s merely a thought.

    I wouldn’t worry about how it appears now or in the future – whether you “succeed” or not. You know the truth beyond appearances. Society has only viewed it as a “right” choice in any case because we have allowed it.

    I guess the questions I’d like to ask are what, besides finding a vocation, have you always wanted to do? You know, things like travel to another country, or what have you…

  • Robyn C says:

    Never say never. We earned 6 figures in 2010 and 2011. Then we both lost our jobs in 2012. We still earned more than our children’s birth mothers, but that’s because they’re in very different situations than you’re in. We may have actually earned less than DD’s birthfather, and I don’t know anything about DS’s birthfather, so I can’t say there.

    It doesn’t matter what it *looks* like, when it comes to the question, did you make the right decision placing? It only matters what you and your son think.

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