April 28, 2013 § 4 Comments
Thank you to everyone who left me comments on my last post. I feel much better, for the moment anyway, and I have you to thank.
I cry every stupid day or close to it, but I would only classify two days out of the week, on average, as being unbearable. I feel horrible for not appreciating the good in my life more often. There are plenty of things right now that I love about my life and make me feel happy.
– Tax refund money. I’ve gone on a few shopping sprees for things that were sorely needed, and that’s always nice. I appreciate having money so much and I really tried to spend it wisely. I replaced old bras and panties, bought some new clothes for work, got a tattoo, and best of all, I got a new mattress, pillows, and sheets. You see, for the past 2 years, I’ve slept on a sofa pull-out because I live in a studio. I inherited the sofa and the mattress from my grandparents. It’s as old as I am. Every morning for the last 2 years, I’ve woken up with neck pain. Now, I sleep so well. I love my new memory foam mattress, and I can’t shut up about it. The pillows are also memory foam, and they rock. I can’t stand cheap pillows. The sheets are 600 thread count Egyptian cotton sateen and they are the best sheets I’ve ever had. I’m so happy I invested in a decent set-up.
– Now that the weather is nice, I’ve started running outside again. It’s impossible to be depressed after going for a run in the park.
– I’ve been watching youtube tutorials and practicing vintage hairstyles, mainly so I can wear them to work. I enjoy bouffants quite a bit. The bigger the hair, the closer to God.
– I mentioned I got a tattoo. Well, it’s for the baby. I’ve planned on getting a tattoo to remember him, and I quickly decided on a lily, with a little bud growing from it.
My toes look filthy, but they aren’t. They’re stained with the ink that bleeds everywhere during the tattooing process. And yes, it hurt like a motherfucker.
I often wonder why life can’t exist in a vacuum, and why something that happened in the past (giving away the baby) continues to have such an impact when it doesn’t directly affect me on a daily basis, and most things that occur in my daily life are, overall, good things and I have a lot of happy feelings. I wish I could live in the moment and just be free.