Everyone’s hours are getting cut at my work. We already make so little money there, and it’s just going to get worse. (I make a base pay + commission, but the commission is structured to be impossible to earn unless we’re insanely busy, as during the holidays or when we have a huge sale. I’m one of the top salespeople there, and I usually make my base pay of $8.) I’ve been wanting a new job for a while now, anyway, so this is just the impetus to search. I would love to work somewhere higher end and continue to sell suits and other men’s dress wear. It’s something I enjoy and I’m good at it, and how often do you find that in a job? However, my options are limited, and the options I do have probably won’t work out. So, per David’s suggestion, I might apply for a bank teller. I’ve never considered doing that until he suggested it, but I think my years of experience in retail would be relevant to a bank, it would certainly pay better than my current employer, and it would be a nice job that would look great on a resume.
I’m still not sure what I want to do with my life. I want to do something interesting and challenging that has the potential to be flexible, but those are qualities that are hard to find in a career, and at the same time, I’m an extremely hard worker who could get used to just about anything and would find success anywhere. It’s not bragging, it’s true. So, simultaneously, I don’t care what I do or what I end up doing. I just need to figure something out.
Where am I going with this?
I was thinking about how I would feel about the adoption if I became successful versus not. I already know that if I didn’t achieve some kind of success in life, it wouldn’t make me feel better about the adoption. I still would’ve tried my best. My family is solidly upper-middle-class and could have helped me out for a while, if I hadn’t been too proud to ask. David would have helped, too, and he earns $18 an hour. And even if I find a good career, I will never out-earn my son’s parents. L works in a high-profile career and I’m sure he earns six figures. C probably makes less than that, but not by much.
But here’s the rub.
If I remained low-income (which I highly doubt, by the way) then it would look as if I made the right choice. If I got a good job and became successful in that sense and in others, it would still appear as if I made the right choice, as if I couldn’t have done it with a child to take care of, no matter how untrue that is.
There’s no winning.
Does anyone have any questions they want me to answer, or ideas for something I should write about? I feel like writing, but there’s only so much I can say without getting updates. I was crossing my fingers I might receive something small at the 9 month mark, since I got a few pictures at 3 months. But that has come and gone, so I will have to wait another 3 months, for his first birthday.